I’ve had a week of miracles. And really, it’s been several weeks.
About a month ago, I was feeling pretty forsaken. I thought God had forgotten me. Everything seemed to be stonewalling me all at once. No job, no home, no clear path forward. Dad made me pray with him. I didn’t want to. Afterwards, I felt something. I think now it might have been hope.
The next day BYU offered me an adjunct teaching job. I accepted. Miracle #1. Miracle #2 came in the form of getting 3 courses to teach, two honors and one advanced. In case it’s not obvious, that’s a pretty sweet schedule for a first semester adjunct. Miracle #4 came when the contracts came and I saw I would be making almost twice as much per course.
I was nervous about my selected living situation, but once we got the logistics worked out, it looked like it was going to work. I’ve been here for two weeks now and it’s working. In fact, yesterday Maia came downstairs while I was at work and stood at my door singing, “Juwee, whereareyou? Juwee, I wuv you. Juwee, whereareyou? Juwee, I wuv you.” Melt. My. Heart.
My job is awesome. I love it. The only hitch came when I realized I couldn’t do my full course load, take all of my planned classes and keep my sanity. So I dropped my second class, signed up for choir, and promptly lost my student health insurance. Miracle #5: they approved my appeal and gave me my health insurance back.
It’s kind of amazing to me but I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. The scriptures are full of stories of God taking people to their absolute limits and then offering some sort of deliverance. I guess I just haven’t been able to trust him much since I felt like he had taken me well beyond my limits with my mom and then with everything that has happened since.
Miracle #6 came on Sunday. I fasted with real intent for the first time in about a year. I have fasted during this last year, but with almost no confidence that I would be heard. But this time was different. God had given me a long-shot job. My living situation was working. I could feel my heart healing. As I sat in church on Sunday, contemplating the good things that had happened and worrying about the current stressors (no health insurance being at the top of the list), I had this overwhelming assurance of God’s love for and awareness of me. And then I realized that my heart had healed.
I still miss Mom. I always will. But the anger, the bitterness, the lack of trust…it has been taken away. I tried to do all I could to resolve it, but ultimately it was the power of the atonement that had to finish the job. The tears started flowing and they haven’t really stopped. My prayers have resumed and they have been full of gratitude. And, as always, I just had to share.
As always, Julie. Thanks for sharing. This is just what I needed.
Julie you are a miracle! You are strong, resilient, humble, beautiful, talented, and a blessing to have in our home! “Juee we love you!” I’m so grateful to have one of my best friends and dearest sisters in my home for as long as she can possibly stay!
Julie, this was a gift to read. I love you and miss you. And BYU is so lucky to have you! I sure wish you had been my honors teacher way back when. Heck, I sure wish I could be in your class now!